 I consider myself wealthy, even though finances are tight. We live in a one bedroom apartment, and we have one vehicle, but I consider myself wealthy because there are things that money cannot buy. Money cannot buy you the days you spend with your children. Looking into their little faces that smile and laugh. I consider myself wealthy when I get invited to go to the beach with my friend and our kids. We spend the day there in the hot sun, eating peanut butter sandwiches we made ourselves and watching them splash in the water, knowing that if we worked full time we would miss these days and they are better to us than any vacation to any spectacular destination. I am wealthy when I go on long walks with my kids enjoying the crisp air and taking as many photographs as I can fit into the running around. I breathe in the mountain air and look out at the Rockies from where I’m standing. I’m wealthy just looking at them. I’ve had a lot of people look down on us, because financially we have not much. But, what I have with my family, I wouldn’t trade for money, because its just not worth it.
0 Comments
 It's been so long since posting anything. Whenever I'm pregnant I'm utterly exhausted and the thought of doing anything simply is not feasible. I'm almost 7 months post partum now, so last week, I trekked down with the kiddos to a nature spot here in the foothills and was delighted that, despite not taking photos for a long time, I still have the knack. And, despite taking photos of similar subjects that I have before I had an opportunity to reframe them once again.   I just love juniper. It really photographs well and comes in a variety of colours as the seasons change. I've photographed everything from dead juniper to purple juniper and it never fails stun.   One of the tricky things about photographing here in Alberta is that the sun is so bright and the sky is so blue. I refined my photography in Ireland, so moody photos are definitely my jam. So for these photographs here, I've been experimenting with placing my body in front of the subject and playing with my shadow and some of that bright light that you see peeking in the corners.   I love the chance blurs that happen with photography. I never know how it will turn out and its so lovely     I’ve been taking the steps two at a time since as long as I can remember. In all my work places I’ve been known for being fast and efficient. This world everything seems to be getting faster and faster. After multiple burnouts, and birthing two children, I can’t do it anymore. It’s taken me a long time to just sit still. Be quiet.
The worst part is I’ve had the opportunity to train my brain to be like this. I lived in rural Ireland for four years where the passage of time is so slow it would numb you. Somehow I still managed to maintain a stressed out, rushing about vibe. I tried to continue doing this, but now with my second baby here, it’s just not manageable. All it has done is created a stressed out mom that snaps easily and struggles to regulate herself, because of all the stress I am causing myself by rushing around. I don’t want to be that mom for my kids, and I don’t want to be that person for myself. So, I’ve decided to steward the slow and embrace it. I don’t get nearly as much accomplished as I used to in the timeframe that I want, but I’m happier, and my kids are better for it. It’s been a consistent training of my brain to stop yapping at me that certain projects lie unfinished or will be gotten to later. Sometimes the best method is to write these ideas and sketch out the projects that I want so that when the time comes and it does eventually, I’m hitting the ground running instead of searching for an idea.  Lately a friend and I have been talking business. Working through several mindsets that have been holding me back. Its been good to change my thinking for the truth. I was listening to a podcast with Derrick Kinney and although I had heard the phrase adding value before for some reason it struck me in a different way. How does my art add value and how can I make it add value in the world? I know that it is valuable and that is a first step in making it forward, but how do I add value to people’s lives with it? Its been a great question to ponder, because I really want to be able to sell my artwork and make money from it. I don't want to be in this financial place that we have been for almost the past ten years. So, I’m challenging myself how to I add value to people’s lives with my artwork?
 Dark and rainy days always remind me of Ireland. While I didn’t think that Ireland would stick with me as strongly as it did I like to think of it as a heritage, I feel like somehow I came of age there and stretched out my wings for the first time.
The rain brings its own enchantment whether there or here, I’m wondering where my wool slippers are hiding, wishing for a wood stove again, and thinking of what latest treat could I bake for my family. These desires are a stark contrast to the fresh lilacs on my counter and my little boy wearing his favourite shorts; pineapples and parrots on a blue background. We were just at the beach a few days ago. Its not autumn yet, but the rain brings up some important questions that I’ve been asking myself. What is the culture I’m building with my family and what is the culture that I want to share with others? It feels like we’ve been in this transition phase of our lives for so long my husband and I. I’ve been packing recently with two intentions: 1- that hopefully we will move out of the apartment soon, and 2- giving ourselves more space as we lay some things down in our lives. With the arrival of a second child on the way comes the requirement to set some things aside for a time as we enter a new season. There is much to build still as the family grows and we change and find ourselves in hopefully a more permanent house and as we search for what’s next. But tonight, it’s still rainy and after I make tonight’s dinner of bbq meatballs with veg, I’ll make a sourdough gingerbread as an ode to the rain.  A friend sent me photos that she had taken of me and my son on a recent outing. She has a background in photography as well, so I was interested in the way she took her photos. Whether or not you believe it, the way you make art often reveals something about yourself that you don’t tell others. Every photo she sent was taken from a far off distance. This friend in particular has always kept me at a distance. Sometimes I even wonder why we are friends because she reveals nothing about herself. Another friend that I had in grad school struggled with feelings that she was inadequate and not enough. Her paintings were often exploding with every colour and shape. It was often overwhelming to look at. There was no place to rest.
It’s an interesting thing to think about that may make you think about your own work and what does it reveal about yourself?  It took me so long to find my voice in school. For years I could emulate many things, explored different kinds of art, but it was only in my last year of grad school that I really started hitting on something that just clicked. I was taking photos like I had wanted to for years and finding a way to bring those delightful textures into a transformation that gave the viewer a similar feeling that I felt. Place really does influence and thats why it’s so good to spend some time abroad or even hopping over to a new city or province that will change the way you think and make. I still photograph in a very Irish style I believe. Dark and moody for the most part. I still haven’t found a place though that the collages came from. Coming back to Alberta and especially Calgary I have found myself looking for a space in which I can express my voice and language. Most photography here is extremely bright coloured, iconic places and wildlife. But maybe it’s all the better to stand out instead of blending in.   I bought some sketchbooks this summer with the focus that instead of trying to draw objects and scenes that I would really embrace myself as the abstract artist I am. Shapes, forms and textures are just something I naturally gravitate towards and I’m looking for my voice in the analog art world. What do I mean by that?  For the past 5 or so years I’ve been focused on digital, while I have no intention of leaving that behind, something within me craves to scratch a mark making tool on a substrate. Perhaps just as a means of expression to move out from the mundane, or even just to get a quick something down on paper.  Being a mother of one soon to be two leaves me with little time and little energy, but I’m determined that I can’t leave that part of myself behind. I look for ways to include it daily with my son, whether it’s teaching him simple observation or encouraging painting with acrylics. Here are some of the photos from my sketchbook recently. Some finished, some unfinished.   This summer I had pledged to make the focus all about art. I bought new sketchbooks with intentions of filling them with more than just words and thoughts, I started drawing and encouraging my toddler to colour and paint everyday with me. This picture is actually a picture that he painted of a lake. He painted it alongside of me trying to give my rendition of a lake for a collage I was making starting with paint and I rediscovered that painting really was over for me. I liked his painting so much better that I decided to put it with this post. So with that in mind I sanded down the plywood I had been painting on and decided I would stop trying to make my voice heard through a language that I had no desire to speak, and that if going back to some forms of art that were considered more traditional, I maybe needed to find a way that I could express myself that wasn’t killing me on the inside. Here’s to the summer.
 I’m really thinking about story a lot more these days. My last hike was Ribbon Creek, and while I snapped a lot of shots, and mostly close ups, which are my jam, I really didn’t think about story. And it’s something that I have been thinking what kind of stories do I want to tell, do I want to tell stories? It’s hard sometimes the light works well in the forest, but is garish in other places. I end up culling ( as should you) so many photos that the light wasn’t good and it broke the photo. What about you? Do you like story telling in your images?
|
RSS Feed